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Personal Statement Peer Review Group 3

This is the page for Group 3: Elyse Cawetzka, Jessica Kane, Melanie Waller, Carly Worldring

 

Everyone should post a comment here where you briefly introduce yourself, you explain what your Personal Statement is about (that is, what’s the program you’re hypothetically applying to, etc.) and where you share a links to the Google Doc version of the draft of your Personal Statement and of a draft of your assignment memo.  Remember to share both of these documents and make them so anyone with a link can edit them!

You have until Friday to begin peer review! If you have a draft ready to share earlier, by all means share it. But you have to have a version of your Personal Statement up and ready for peer review by the end of the day on Friday. If you are late, I will dock a letter grade from your project.

To get started, everyone should post a comment in your group’s page where you briefly introduce yourself, you explain what your Personal Statement is about (that is, what’s the program you’re hypothetically applying to, etc.) and where you share a links to the Google Doc version of the draft of your Personal Statement and of a draft of your assignment memo.  Remember to share both of these documents and make them so anyone with a link can edit them!

To guide your comments, it’s probably useful to review the assignment again. Remember that your personal statement needs to be based on a real personal statement and that should be clear in the work you share. You want to offer advice and guidance about the effectiveness of the personal statement: that is, does it include specific detail, do you learn something about the writer, does it meet the requirements of that personal statement, etc. Make your comments right on your classmates’ Google Doc.

After you are done with your peer review, I want you to fill out this survey about the process. You should fill this survey out for each of your peers in your group by the end of the day Monday.

This survey serves two basic purposes. First, it helps in giving your peers even more feedback on their draft in a constructive way. Second, it helps me figure out who completed the peer review process as I directed. I’ll share the results of the survey with everyone on Tuesday of next week.

25 Comments
  1. Elyse Cawetzka permalink

    Hey girls! I’m Elyse 🙂 My Personal Statement is my hypothetical admission letter into Central Michigan University’s master program for nutrition.

    I’m wondering where we go to share the links to our paper. Do we put the link here or is there something that we do in Google Docs where we tag the people we want to have access to it? Sorry I’ve never had to share something in Google Docs before. Thanks!

    • Jessica Kane permalink

      If I understand correctly, we are to post it here for our group to review.

    • Melanie Waller permalink

      I’m with you. This the first I’ve heard of Google docs and so I hope I do the right thing in editing and talking to everyone else. Help me if I need it.

  2. Jessica Kane permalink

    Good Afternoon Group Three!

    My name is Jessica. You can call me Jess because I like you. Now, I’m not trying to butter you up here; l expect the brutal truth. I can take it (as far as you know).

    My personal statement is geared toward gaining entry into graduate school. Specifically, the program for MA in Applied Economics at EMU with a (proposed) concentration in water/environment.

    I look forward to your input, however harsh it may be. I will post the link for my personal statement in the reply when it is ready for review. ☺

    Cheers!

    Jess

  3. Carly permalink

    Hello, everyone! I’m excited to read over your Personal Statements since they are both geared towards continued education. I wrote mine from the perspective of applying for the JET program, which is a program that sends applicants to Japan to teach as assistants!

    There’s a few points that I want to touch on before you read it, and a few things I’d really love some focus on for feedback. So…

    I don’t know about you all, but I am extremely shy. So writing an essay where I have to sell myself as a confident person is not a strong point of mine. I’m not confident at ALL. So when it sounds like I am, I’m lying. Haha.
    -I’d really like to know if I went way overboard with the “selling yourself” aspect.
    The only way I know how to get points across is to relate with stories. So you’ll see that I added in a very cheesy part about school in there.
    -I want to know honestly if you think that’s a total bore and making my essay very cliche. Suggestions if that’s your belief would be very welcomed. Please tell me the solid truth about what you think, it’s the only thing that will help me as a writer.
    Lastly, I have an issue with grammar. It’s a major weakness to me because I put things in where they seem right rather than where they belong. This means an excessive use of commas in places they don’t need to be. I try to be mindful when I’m placing them and remember the rules to them, but I forget. Other things like colons and semicolons, I don’t really know how to use which is embarrassing to say. I read over how to use them, and forget right away. So like we discussed with the last reading, editing my grammar usage in this Statement piece will help me loads!
    -Tell me where things need to be, where they shouldn’t be, what I should and shouldn’t have capitalized, and if anything just sounds awkward.

    Sorry this was so lengthy, I’m really nervous. I think everyone in this class are amazing writers just based on your responses and I’m really just starting out in this major so I’m trying to keep up!

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ugnI0-Q5T—ZIZHw3m6p377gObTWfcbSVZ54uLTaLU/edit?usp=sharing

  4. Carly permalink

    Not sure why, but none of my edits on that went through! I also had added wondering if you guys thought that the overall tone of my Personal Statement was a little too informal? I referenced the speaker which I’m not sure if that should have been a big no-no, and I was heavy on pronouns. Should this be something more short, and clear to the point, with more professional sounding language? Or can it be a more relaxed piece like I’ve made it? –Thanks!

  5. Elyse Cawetzka permalink

    Here is my Personal Statement. It’s a little lengthy, so I apologize for that. The criteria for the program was to write a 2-3 page statement about yourself, why you should be accepted and what you hope to do with the intended degree and why. Mine is not 2-3 pages at the moment, so don’t be scared. I didn’t know what else to add to it without it sounding like I was babbling and dragging it out unnecessarily. Be critical! I’d rather get the truth than be way off base with my writing. Thanks!

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Fhe-wD4LvaO5xDW7yDDtEGCiPGb9CIa7pSIA4pX7ta8/edit?usp=sharing

    • Melanie Waller permalink

      Elyse, I can only view your document. Is there something I might be doing wrong? Can you let me know so that I can edit it.
      Thanks
      Mel

    • Jessica Kane permalink

      Hi Elyse! I’m also having problems with this link and am unable to add comments. Is there another link you could post after you allow all us to edit?

      Cheers!

      JK

  6. Melanie Waller permalink

    Hello Group Three. Sorry I’m late and running behind, but (no excuses) I worked a double yesterday and then regular today and I’m so tired and worn out I just want to sleep. Well now that I’ve had my “nap” I’m here and ready to go.

    After that introduction, you are probably all groaning thinking I’m gonna be the slacker, I’m doing my best not to be. Anyway, I’m Melanie Waller, you can call me Mel or Melanie, doesn’t matter and I live in the state of Illinois and I’m also an hour behind you but I will try to not let that interfere. I have worked in food service all my life and so my personal statement will be directed at a company called Caseys General Stores where I would like to apply for district manager or maybe even a corporate manager position.

    So I will need a lot of help in getting this right. Yes, I will edit your papers and I may even question some of what is said, but all due to the fact that I am out of the loop on a lot of new jobs in the market area and so I may be asking questions that will help me to better understand what it is you are applying for. It will probably be the same way for grad school applications. I also have no clue as to what goes on after a bachelor’s degree, so bare with me, I’m just trying to better understand what goes on in life.

  7. Melanie Waller permalink

    Ok, so I hope I’m going in the right direction here.

    My personal statement is directed towards a supervisor position with the Caseys General Store company. They have district and regional manager positions and I would like to apply for one of those. I have been at Caseys for 3 ½ years as a part-time worker in the kitchen area.

    I have always been involved in the foodservice business all my life. From the time I was young, my mother wanted me to learn how to cook, amongst other things a young woman should know how to do when taking care of a home. I had taken 8 years of 4-H and 4 years of home ec. in high school. I learned not only to follow a recipe and cook from scratch, but while in high school I learned a little bit about the business end of food. My grandmother also taught me how to can and preserve different fruits and vegetables (something not taught in school). My brother, mother and grandmother taught me about growing a garden and reaping the rewards at the end of the growing seasons. So, I can basically cook any kind of food thrown my way.
    In school, we learned how to budget meals, cook in batches for large crowds (we served meals to students, teachers and other workers once a week), how to advertise our meals and sell tickets to the events.
    When I went off to college, the first time, I worked part-time in a small campus food court and learn more tricks of the trade. Such as how the customer is always right and how to please the customer and make sure that they come back.
    All of this followed me into many different jobs surrounding food for the next few years. Even when I accepted a job at a local hospital to work in the kitchen area. Back then, they still made everything from scratch and served to the patients and customers. I worked my way up to being a supervisor, yet I still cooked from time to time, and I still had to know the main ingredients in different dishes so that I could help the patient choose the right food for their diet while in the hospital. Working with patients in a hospital is a challenge because the older adults have always eaten the same foods all their lives and having to cut back or totally cut out certain ingredients is always hard to do. A lot of patients bulk at that idea and so trying to help them understand how changing food and flavors is better for them is quite difficult, but challenging. When a patient follows my recommendations to eat different foods and they smile at me when I come back to see how they are doing really makes me satisfied knowing I have help someone learn something new and exciting.

    Working at Caseys has really been a challenge because not only am I fixing the same food everyday, but knowing what my customers want and having it ready gives me great pleasure knowing that I am doing my job. Seeing a customers smile and hearing “Thank You” is all worth the while. I love going that extra mile and at the end of the day, I know that I have done my job

    Ok I don’t know if I’m on the right track here or if I have totally gone off the highway. I do know that I have been and always will be in food for the rest of my life and working as a manager is my goal.
    https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/1EdFNNDkWZJWtnX78BJ8Vqq6zQwfNk3k0_IvOIsxpMdA/edit?usp=sharing

  8. Melanie Waller permalink

    Sorry, I think I put my personal statement here in addition to putting in on the link. Still working on that one.
    Now, do we send a memo to the Professor from here or is that on a link also and is it on the original page (not our group page)

  9. Melanie Waller permalink

    Let’s hope this works. I put my personal memo on another sheet and am sending the link so that anyone can edit it. I went in and changed my settings to “those who have an emu account” or something like that. Someday my brain will figure all this out.

    https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/1aHjCd4W_Ltu-yjjazQ-kb84bdApT8RyVI34ZiFQIJbw/edit?usp=sharing

    • Steve Krause permalink

      What you appear to be doing is copying and pasting your post into your Google doc. That’s wrong, Melanie. Take a look at what your peers are doing; does that help?

  10. Carly permalink

    Hey Elyse,
    Can you set your sharing to anyone with a link “can comment” or “can edit”? It’d be the easiest way to give pointers on specific parts (:

  11. Carly permalink

    Hey everyone!

    I just thought I’d post a reminder not to click “resolve” when viewing comments! It makes the comments disappear. I’ve already made comments on a few of your documents, and I think it’ll help us all to keep those up so others can view them as well. You don’t want to be getting the same feedback from somebody else because they didn’t know it had already been mentioned earlier, right? (: I think feedback that gets posted towards others will also help me to be more mindful about the things being touched on in my future works!

    Cheers!

    • Melanie Waller permalink

      Hey Carly, can you access my information and edit it? I guess I’m having trouble “sharing”

      • Carly permalink

        I just replied to the first link you posted. I can access it so everyone in this group can too. No worries!

  12. Melanie Waller permalink

    Ok is this where I just paste the link to and when you and my classmates open this up they will be able to go to my messages and edit?

    https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/1MIM_IQZjnvtT0kMOpt-zPpBjL2PnJNH0DQoMaIMOOks/edit?usp=sharing

  13. Elyse Cawetzka permalink

    I put up the new link that you guys should be able to edit in case you guys didn’t see my comment before. I was wondering if when I make comments on your guys papers if I have to save it or something or if it just automatically saves and you guys can see it.

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